July 27th, 2007 at 10:10am |
Dear Reader,
I was horrified to read a survey that 90% of school children say that they want to be famous when they grow up. If only they truly knew the price of fame. Let me tell you a story about when I was famous. It was many years ago now and I had it all, looks, money, adulation. It wasn’t long before the dark side of the famous life reared its ugly head though. First it was the stalkers. Then it was the press twisting all my words to sell a story. Then of course when you get too famous people just plain get jealous and all sorts of trouble begins. Because of the lies of petty minded people your fame can quickly develop into infamy. Believe me, I’ve lived it all. I ended up having to change my name, and get plastic surgery to de-beautify myself, just so I could escape the constant glare of the spotlight.
So my words of wisdom for all the wannabe famous are to remember that in a sense you are already famous. Secret Service Organisations all around the world already know what you are saying, doing and take great pains to record your every move. Of course they say they do it all in the interests of national security, but deep down I suspect they know they are just the ultimate form of a gossip junkie. So in anycase, now that you are comforted by already attaining the fame you never knew that you had, you can go out and do something useful with your life, like buying my fabulous new magazine for example.
Yours with Warmth and Sincerity,
Viola
Whenever I thought of becoming famous I realised that the only chances I had were if I won Lotto or murdered someone. Being not lucky nor homicidal I never worried too much about these things though I did check Google Earth once or twice to see if I’d been snapped doing something unfortunate. It is comforting to know then that I am already in the sights of some secret service organisation.
But even if I was the only person on the planet whose life was so boring that it was ignored by these agencies I am certain that our civilization will get to the post-human stage and run many ancestor-simulations, equally certain that I am living in one and therefore have the solace of knowing that I am an object of intense interest by the social and marketing research team in the level above.
How true Viola, how true! But aren’t you thrilled that we’ll soon be treated to David Beckham (and how far behind him can his lovely wife be?) visiting our fair land? I can barely contain myself!